Or can it? When you hear people say, “time can heal a broken heart” you believe it. But most of those people have never truly experienced what a broken heart feels like. Its like when others say, “I know how you feel,” even though they don’t. No one can ever go through the exact same experience, we all have our own. So when people tell me this, I ask myself. Did they go out with him too? Did he hurt them too? Its weird. How I’m learning to live life without him. How I’m learning to ignore the hole inside my chest, where the other half of me used to be. I’m silencing my own voice, by not listening to what my heart says. Because my not listening, I’m protecting myself from getting hurt, right? If I guard it, lock it up, and throw away the key, no one can have it. But then what will happen when someone else comes along, and they want a piece of it? Am I going to give it to them? Is anyone ever really safe when it comes to relationships? No girl goes into the relationship, wanting to get hurt. They just expect it. Is that what its come to for men? Girls now just expect that boys are going to hurt them. So we give up trying to protect our heart, and we give it to any boy who comes along, because we all think; they’re all the same, I’m going to end up hurt either way. I have advice for those girls. Don’t give your heart to anyone. No matter what they say. Its yours to keep, no one elses. Because the minute another creeps into your life and steals a piece of the organ of love, you’ve lost. You are completely helpless, because another boy has crossed paths with you and made you fall for them. Is it ever going to end? Even as young as fourteen and fifteen. This is not about age. This is about guys and love in general. Why do guys set out to hurt girls? Why do guys never get hurt? What I really want to know, is how can I shed tears for someone so much, and not get so much as an apology back. Its hurtful. And its really sad that I’m fourteen years old, and I’ve already locked up my heart so no one else can have it. Because technically…

I still haven’t gotten it back.

September23,7:40pm • Filed under relationships • 58 comments.

sorry everyone, its been a crazy time. i have homework everyday from school, i just got shots, me and jake still aren’t talking. so my life’s kinda screwed up at the moment. lets start from the beginning though.

so last friday there was a football game, and i went obviously. i hung out with a few people.. and jacob showed up. I didn’t say anything, and he didn’t say anything to me but it was sorta awkward. so me and a few of my friends went to go get drinks right? and when we came back, jacob was sitting with dane jill & nikki. well the girls and me were sitting with jill and nikki, so thinking nothing of it, we went and sat with them. course jacob left as soon as i got there, i was like wth. i wasn’t very happy. anyway to make a long story short jill went to talk to jacob, then jacob came and talked to me—and said that he would talk to me more, and now we’re back to this whole awkward not speaking to each other stuff. its annoying and its driving me freaking crazy, and he doesn’t even know. and/or care.

then yesterday i had to go get three shots, two in my arm one in my hip. i ended up having to stay home today because my arm hurt so bad, and it made me feel all dizzy and stuff. i was crying before they even put the needle in me. it didn’t hurt as bad as a thought, except for the HPV one. that one hurt like a mother.

i don’t have much to blog about. i have no time lately to make anything for the site, i will reply to comments asap. i know i’m like dead, i’m sorry.

September17,6:40pm • Filed under Other, School, jacob • 34 comments.

R.I.P. to those who lost their lives seven years ago . I pray for you and I hope that your flying in heaven , watching out for us now . I wish there was something we could have done to save you thousands of people , I wish it wasn’t too late.

And to the families who lost their loved ones , know that our hearts reach out to you . You are never alone , we all are sympathetic towards your lost and hope to help you in anyway possible .

Thank you soldiers, for fighting for our country . Stay strong , fight hard , and come home alive .

< 3 r i p people of September 11, 2001.
Our prayers are with you.

September11,5:19pm • Filed under Other • 27 comments.

i don’t really know what to write anymore. my life isn’t interesting. its full of me trying to get over what used to be. me, trying to talk myself out of the past, and into the future. its me trying to get over everytime i see him, or the very few times he’s looked my way. its hard. its hard to try and put your heart back together, all by yourself. to know that your so connected to someone, and that you have to pretend that those feelings don’t exist. its like having a transparent heart. one that feels, but shows no emotion. one that loves another so deeply, but has to hide that love because the other doesn’t feel the same. this ability, to shade your feelings, is an amazing quality, but at the same time horrible. i’m learning this. i’m learning to stop showing my emotions, even if it kills me. i’m not going to let people get close to me. because the closer you let people, the more they’re able to hurt you. i had my guard down for so long, i was so vulnerable for such an excessive amount of time, i think its time to pull myself together again. to put that suit of armor up. you know how when someone tries to get inside, or tries to open you up, you automatically create this invisible shield? its your instincts, of you trying to protect yourself, from getting hurt, from getting your heart broken. i think that shelter is about ready to come back. i don’t want to set myself up for hurt, you know? its time for me to enter the nonexistent world that i’ve created for myself, and hide out in the background. besides, everyone knows that if you fall into the shadows, then no one knows you. and no one can get close to you. and then, no one can hurt you.

Now, more on the site. I’ve decided to stop making visitor content, until I receive requests to continue them. I haven’t the time for them, and i’m not going to make time for them if people aren’t using them. This is going to be more of a blog site now. I’m working on making a new layout. It will be darker, one that’s reflecting my feelings right now. So look for that soon. I’ll be returning comments, tonight or tomorrow.

September8,6:14pm • Filed under Other, relationships • 35 comments.